The Courage to Be Disliked

🦁 The Courage to Be Disliked

The Japanese Secret to True Freedom, Inner Peace & Lasting Happiness ✨

“Freedom is being disliked by other people.” — Ichiro Kishimi & Fumitake Koga

What if your unhappiness has nothing to do with your past, your parents, or your circumstances?

What if the real reason you feel stuck is your fear of being disliked?

This powerful book, “The Courage to Be Disliked”, presents life-changing ideas based on Adlerian Psychology—a philosophy that challenges trauma-based thinking and teaches radical self-responsibility.

Let’s break down all the key concepts, psychological principles, and practical hacks to redesign your life toward freedom, confidence, and happiness 🚀

🧠 1. Adlerian Psychology: The Foundation

Unlike Freud (past-focused) and Jung (collective unconscious), Alfred Adler believed:

👉 We are not controlled by our past. We are driven by our goals.

🔑 Core Idea:

Your past does not determine your future
Trauma is not a cause, but an explanation you choose

📌 Example: Two people experience rejection:

One becomes socially withdrawn
Another becomes extremely independent

➡ Same past, different goals.

“No experience is itself a cause of our success or failure.”

🎯 2. Teleology Over Etiology (Purpose > Cause)

Most people ask: ❌ “Why did this happen to me?”

Adler asks: ✅ “What am I using this for?”

🔁 Shift Your Thinking:

Not “I am shy because I was bullied”
But “I act shy to avoid rejection”

💡 Hack: Whenever you feel stuck, ask:

“What benefit am I getting from staying this way?”

Truth hurts—but freedom begins there 🗝️

😨 3. The Fear of Being Disliked

Most of us:

Seek approval
Avoid conflict
Live to please

But approval-seeking = loss of freedom.

“The price of freedom is the courage to be disliked.”

🔥 Reality Check:

You cannot live without being disliked
Being liked by everyone = living for everyone

📌 Example: If you:

Say NO → someone dislikes you
Say YES always → you dislike yourself

Choose wisely.

🧍‍♂️ 4. Separation of Tasks (Life-Changing Principle)

One of the most practical ideas in the book 👇

📂 Three Types of Tasks:

Your Task – your actions, choices, effort
Others’ Task – their feelings, reactions, opinions
Shared Tasks – mutual responsibilities

💡 Golden Rule:

“Do not interfere with tasks that are not yours.”

📌 Example:

You share your honest opinion → Your task
Someone feels offended → Their task

🛑 Stop managing others’ emotions.

🏆 5. Inferiority Complex Is a Choice

Adler believed:

Feeling inferior is natural
Staying inferior is a choice

“Inferiority feelings are not something bad.”

🚀 Two Paths:

Healthy: Self-improvement
Unhealthy: Avoidance, excuses, superiority complex

📌 Example:

“I can’t speak well” → practice
“I can’t speak well, so I won’t try” → escape

👉 Courage means moving forward despite imperfection.

🎭 6. Stop Living in Comparison

Comparison creates:

Jealousy
Arrogance
Anxiety

“The moment you compare yourself to others, happiness disappears.”

🧘 Adler’s View:

Life is not a competition, it’s a journey.

📌 Hack: Replace:

❌ “Am I better than them?”
✅ “Am I improving from yesterday?”

❤️ 7. Community Feeling: The Secret of Happiness

True happiness comes from:

“Feeling that you are useful to others.”

Not superiority. Not recognition. Contribution.

🤝 Community Feeling Means:

You belong
You contribute
You are equal

📌 Example:

Helping without expecting praise
Creating value silently

This kills:

Loneliness
Ego
Anxiety

🎁 8. Live Earnestly in the Present

Adler rejects:

Regret of past
Anxiety of future

“Life is a series of moments.”

🧠 Hack:

Ask daily:

Am I fully present today?
Did I act courageously?

🎯 Happiness is not a destination—it’s a way of living now.

🛠️ 9. Practical Life Hacks from the Book

✅ Say what you believe, kindly ✅ Accept being disliked ✅ Focus only on your task ✅ Detach from approval ✅ Contribute without expectations ✅ Act even when afraid

Small courage → Massive freedom 💥

🌈 10. Final Truth: Courage Changes Everything

“When one is able to feel that he or she is useful, then one will not feel lonely.”

You don’t need:

Perfect past
Perfect skills
Perfect validation

You only need: